My Dreams Are A Better Reality
by 24isthebest
Summary: His dreams with her tortured him, but they were better than the reality he lived without her.


So this is honestly the most angst I've ever written for these two.I don't know what possessed this, but it was an idea I had to write.

let me know what you guys think of it!

* * *

It was the first thing that caught his eye as he saw her walk into the studio. Through the clear glass, he watched her like he always did. Her long hair was slightly tousled, and he could almost feel its silkiness under his fingertips. Her presence always remained a permanent distraction.

But it was the glimmering diamond on her left hand that tortured him. Even in the relatively dark studio, it shone like a harsh beacon, spotlighting a pain that felt similar to a punch in the stomach.

He saw her look around, slipping the large monstrosity off her finger and into the small pocket of her purse. He hated that thing on her finger, but the unease did not stop once she took the ring off. Even her bare left hand looked wrong. _Something belonged there_. He stopped his mind and his heart from making the next statement.

He had already lost his chance, and now he had to live with that. But that was his problem. It didn't mean that she had to live with it.

His feet moved on his own into the hallway, crossing the threshold of his studio area to catch up with her strong step. "Juliette."

Her body snapped back, almost thrown by his voice. "Avery. Hi."

"Hi." He tried to keep the breathlessness out of his tone. This had to be done.

"Haven't seen you around lately." She smiled nervously. He saw her hand touch the outside of her purse, where he knew the ring lay. "Heard you've been working hard on Sarah Smith's new album. Rayna told me it's gonna be another charted album for you."

"You don't have to hide it from me." He ignored the praise from her. This wasn't about him. This was about her. If he didn't get this out now, he never would and she would hide it from him forever. Miscommunication and misunderstanding seemed to be their specialty. It was time to be straightforward, like they used to be.

He saw her entire body clench. "What are you talking about?"

"The ring." It practically screamed at him from inside her purse. "I know you're not wearing it here because of me."

She tilted her head, searching his face with her eyes. She was looking for an explanation, he knew it. He diverted his face, controlling his reactions as best he could. No one could get it out of him by just _looking_ like she could. "Avery…"

"It's alright." He cleared his throat before continuing, "We're both adults. We've been working here in the same place for a year now. This was bound to happen eventually right?"

He had hoped it wouldn't, but the damn universe would never be on his side.

"I just," She bit her lip softly before looking at him again. "I don't wanna hurt you… any more than I already have." She leaned against the wall next to them for support, and he followed her lead.

"It's water under the bridge at this point… all of it." He said, convincing himself of the statement while trying to convince her. "It's out in the press already. There's no need for tiptoeing around me."

For a month since the announcement broke to the world, all he could see was the way that ring looked in pictures on screen. He had practically tortured himself starting at it, thinking of how much it cost, and how she probably looked when she first saw it.

He had to see it up close. Maybe its reality would cauterize the gaping wound already. Or maybe it would just haunt him further. But how was the latter any better than his current state?

He moved closer to her, so close that he could smell her scent. It wasn't the same perfume he was used to, but there was still a base that was distinctly her. "I think you should put it on."

"Avery."

"_Please._" He said more purposed. "I don't want you to hide what makes you happy."

And he knew this other guy made her happy. He overheard the way she talked about him to Rayna. He saw the way she looked at events with him at her side. The movie star with everything that he didn't have. He was the worthy match and the guy who had gained the most important treasure: her heart.

He could see her eyes glassy, and he knew he must have looked like a deer in headlights. But he pressed on. "I need you to give me this one."

She chewed on the side of her mouth, and without breaking eye contact he saw her reach into her purse, pulling out the one item he craved and dreaded seeing at the same time.

She held it in her fingers delicately, and his blood ran cold instinctively even seeing it in her hands. As she pulled it to rest on her finger, she watched his reactions carefully.

He let out a choked gasp he couldn't help. The large set glowed on her finger, and up close its promise was blinding.

* * *

"_Can you pass me the beef and broccoli please?" _

_He scoffed, holding the container far from her as his eyes stayed glued on the breaking news. "You already had yours. Leave some for me!"_

"_Are you calling me fat Avery?" Her voice grew hard in irritation. _

_He rolled his eyes. "I'm not falling for that again. That's how you got me to give up my egg roll last week."_

_She pouted. "Come on. Yours had more meat in it than mine did!" _

"_You are just great at manipulation, let me tell you."_

"_I've had years of practice." She tilted her head in a confident smirk. "Although I believe I do recall you getting me to watch that old black and white movie through some manipulation of your own yesterday."_

"_First off," he clicked his tongue in a way knew would make her smile, "It's a crime you haven't watched 'Casablanca'. Second off, I'm pretty sure you weren't complaining at my methods."_

"_Explain again why they don't just make all movies in color now?" She picked at her leftover rice, still eyeing the beef in his takeout container. _

"_You know you loved it." _

"_I loved you getting me off more."_

"_Well aren't you crude tonight?" He bit back his smile. "You're still not getting my food."_

"_Really?" She said matter of fact, taking off her shirt, throwing it right over the television. _

"_Nice aim." He tried not looking at her chest carefully, controlling his body's instinctual reactions. "Didn't realize you weren't wearing a bra."_

"_Yes you did." She scrunched her nose, looking over at his takeout. "How about now?"_

"_Juliette, I'm hungry. I want to eat my food." He was hungry for something else now too, but he'd be damned if he caved. She'd never let him live it down. _

"_Avery. I'm not above talking off my pants for your food." She pleaded. "How about we make a trade?"_

"_No deal."_

"_Name your price."_

"_I want you to take your shirt off the television so I can eat my food and watch the news in peace."_

"_You would actually rather watch the news than have sex? I don't believe it."_

"_Believe it sweetheart." He chewed carefully, trying to bite back the smile that threatened to break. "I'd like to be educated on what's going on in the world."_

"_You're an asshole." She huffed, throwing the pillow he hated right at his face, scratching his jaw a bit. _

"_Damn it. You and these bejeweled pillows." He groaned, rubbing his jaw. "One day, I'm gonna throw all of them out." _

"_You throw them out and I'm out." She pulled the shirt over her head, turning off the television in defiance, walking into the kitchen for some water. "You're lucky I didn't throw away that lumpy couch when I had the chance. The couches at my place are much better."_

_His heart lurched. Now was the time. He could feel it; it was right. _

"_Did you hear me?" He heard her call, but he ran to his drawer, rummaging through to pull out what he wanted. He stood by the entryway to his bedroom, watching her walk over to the couch to face him. "I said, did you hear me?"_

"_Oh I heard you." He said carefully, all of the sudden nervous. He could hear it in his tone and so could she. _

"_Babe, what's wrong?" She put down her glass on the coffee table. "Is everything alright?"_

"_I'm not sure. Depends on what you say after this." He replied nervously. The weight burned a hole in his pocket. _

"_Hey." She wrapped her hands on his neck, rubbing his shoulders. "What's going on?"_

_His voice choked. "Close your eyes." _

_She raised an eyebrow. "What?"_

"_I said, close your eyes." He pleaded. "Please."_

_He looked at him again, before complying. With her eyes shut, he grabbed the hand of the woman who had changed his whole world and put his heart in her palm. _

_He could tell the weight of the item in her hand threw her off as she opened her eyes, looking at the foreign object with wide eyes. _

"_Don't laugh."_

_She tilted her eyes up, misty. "Why would I laugh at this?"_

"_I was gonna do this next week actually. I had it all planned, I was gonna take you that restaurant you like and then walk on the riverfront, but I just couldn't wait anymore." His voice shook as he saw the woman he loved with that ring in her hand now. "Because this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. Here, in my crappy apartment with you, fighting about Chinese takeout and what to watch on television. I love watching your face light up when I tease you. I love the way you fire back at me when I'm being unreasonable. I love when you get angry."_

_He moved forward, cupping her elbows as she still held the ring in her hand carefully. _

"_I love that you know everything about me. I love that you let me into your world even though I sure as hell don't deserve to be there. And if you even love half the things about me that I love about you, I swear I'll make forever worth your while Juliette Barnes." Letting go of her, he knelt down carefully, looking up. "Juliette Barnes, will you marry me?"_

_He looked up at her tear stained face and he knew he had never seen anything more beautiful. She stared at the ring and at him carefully, with a smile breaking through. She knelt down to meet him, cupping his face gently, pressing her lips to his as his heart soared. _

_Breaking away, she kissed his forehead excitedly, passing him the ring. "Are you gonna put this on me or am I going to have to?"_

_She laid out her left hand in his palm, as he slid the band with the small diamond over her finger. The promise of their life together._

* * *

He slid into the back room, quickly sneaking past the wedding planners orchestrating where the flowers were supposed to be.

He just had to see it. He had to see the place that would be final nail in his coffin. In their coffin.

He stood on the outskirts, trying to blend in with the staff moving around busily. Guests wouldn't be arriving for a few hours; he had made sure of that.

The pale white and purple lilies adorned the church, along with a hoard of candles placed at every corner, unlit still. The stained glass of the church illuminated the entire room with a glow that could only be described as unearthly.

A nice respectable church wedding.

As soon as he had seen the invitation in Deacon's stack of mail with her name on it, he knew. Not that he had gotten an invitation of course. He knew she wasn't that cruel. She knew what that would do to him.

And yet, he had memorized the time and place that adorned the invitation in the few milliseconds he had been given with it. Because his mind was set to self-destruction at all times, especially when it came to her.

He could almost see her, in this room. She would walk down the aisle, and be the most beautiful bride to ever exist. His heart clenched thinking of the events that would happen where he stood.

"Avery?"

He turned around to see a face he wasn't expecting.

There stood Glenn Goodman, looking at him with a face of pity. Great.

"Son, what are you doing here?" He looked around carefully, canvassing the individuals around him while also looking at his appearance. "Come with me."

Resigned, he followed the man outside into what seemed to a garden area behind the church. Dragging his feet along the cobblestone path, he saw the older man sit down on a bench and motion for him to sit next to him.

"Now, I know you're an impulsive kid," Glenn leaned forward, craning his head towards him, "But even you've to realize that you being here is inappropriate."

"You don't have to lecture me." He groaned, looking down ashamed. "Trust me, I know."

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" He could hear a bit of fire behind the older man's voice. The closest thing Juliette had to a father. The one who would be walking her down the aisle to a new life.

"I just," he moved to rest his elbows on his knees, "I just had to see it, you know?"

Glenn sighed again, pulling his own hand to rub under his chin. "And see her?"

"No. I swear, I wasn't." As much as he wanted to, he couldn't. Not today. "I would never do that to her."

An act like that was selfishness at its finest. She was the one who taught him what being truly unselfish looked like. She had brought that out of him.

"It took a long time for her to be ok." The older man let on carefully. "I don't want you to ruin that by showing up here and making some sort of grand romantic gestures."

Romantic gestures were only in movies. This wasn't a damn fairytale, at least not for him.

"It wouldn't matter even if I did." His heart choked.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you too back then, what she did…"

"It doesn't matter." He interrupted abruptly.

"Either way… you changed her." The older man started to get emotional, and he had to avert his eyes. "You made her believe in herself in a way that she never had before. You'll always hold a special place of her heart, you know that right?"

And she would own the entirety of his.

"But this has got to be unhealthy for you." He motioned around them. "Look at where you are; you're torturing yourself. You can't live in the past forever."

But the past was all he had with her. And a life without her was still something he couldn't wrap his mind fully around.

"Glenn." He said carefully. "You've always been kind to me. And you loved her even when I couldn't. I owe you everything."

The older man rubbed his shoulders affectionately, like a father would comfort a discouraged son. He saw Glenn look over at the church, and look back at him, internally debating.

"You know," the older man sighed. "Juliette's probably in the back with Emily now." Even hearing her name set his spine up straight. "Did you want to see her?"

The opportunity presented itself. And even though Glenn's earlier words had said the opposite of what he was saying now, the words still lay there.

"I can't." He whispered.

She was meant for more. She always had been.

* * *

_The minute she came into view, he almost lost his breath. _

_Her hair was swept back, her makeup light, and her flowing simple dress spilled around her. Behind them, he could feel the sun setting slightly, encasing the entire area in light. The brisk air of dusk blew a cool breeze while the lake buzzed a bit in the background. _

_He had asked her if she wanted a church wedding, and she had been adamantly against it. _

"_I already had an almost church wedding." She laughed. "This one is about me and you, and maybe the five friends total we actually have."_

"_Me and you is all I care about. We don't need a wedding if you don't want one."_

_She raised her eyebrow._

"_Ok maybe we do?"_

"_Right" She nodded purposefully, hiding her smile. "I want to get married on my land. It's the place I've always wanted to build my future anyway, and this would be the perfect time to start."_

"_Then that's what we'll do."_

_Glenn held on to her wrist protectively, beaming with pride while walking towards him. But her eyes were bright, focused in on him. He would remember that moment forever. The feeling of her being so far, but edging closer and closer to the future they were going towards together. Edging closer and closer to him. _

_When they finally reached the front of the aisle, Glenn grabbed his shoulder affectionately, like a father welcoming his son home again. He grasped back in appreciation, but all he could see was Juliette in front of him. _

"_You are beautiful." He whispered to her. Beautiful didn't even describe it fully. She was radiant. Surely the songwriter in him could have found a better word, but at this moment words failed. _

_He grabbed both of her small hands in his, and felt them shaking a bit through her smile. _

_So he went first to recite the vows they had written, even if she was supposed to. His own voice shook a little as he started, recounting their first meeting and an abbreviated version of subsequent mishaps. He could almost hear Deacon's bellowing laugh from the back. His voice finished strong though._

"_From the moment you came into my life, you changed it. Completely." His thumb ran across hers lightly. "I've never loved anyone more in my life, and now I never have to."_

_He wiped the tears that had fallen from her eyes, and she seemed to find her voice there._

"_You showed me what it meant to have someone in my life who valued me. I never really had that before you." Her voice broke, and his head sank a little. "I just wish my mama was here, so she could see everything I've become with you loving me."_

_Nothing else she said mattered to him. She had found him worthy of love, and the only thing he could do in return was love her back. Everything that she had become was what she had in her all along. She just didn't see it._

_And as they walked back down the end of the rolled out aisle hand in hand, with her now carrying his last name and her beaming up at him, he saw the home he had always wanted in her._

* * *

Her skin glowed. Truthfully, he always saw her as radiant no matter what, but this was different.

He hated himself for the way he noticed. He hated the way he had noticed her gaining weight in her face, and the way her stomach had slowly rounded.

So he threw himself in his work. It was the only thing that excited him at this point. The thrill of finding other people's talent and bringing it out on record. And with Highway 65 gaining artists by the minute, he had his pick of talent to work with. But even he didn't miss the way Rayna constantly asked him if he was sleeping and eating. Everyone being worried about him was irritating at this point.

He was fine. Or as fine as he was ever gonna be.

He walked down the hall, looking over the notes he had written for the new band Rayna had him on, when he saw her with a hand against the wall.

"Juliette?" He walked up carefully, noticing her imbalance. If he had been looking at her face, he would have seen her shock at this presence. Beyond pleasantries, they rarely acknowledged each other here. He tended to stay at rather late hours of the night while she came in and out during the day when needed. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Her voice came out clenched. "Just a little dizzy." She tried to move forward but lost balance a little.

"Hey." he caught her quickly, helping her stand. "Have you eaten today?"

"I had breakfast, but maybe my blood sugar went down."

"Let's get you to the kitchen. I'm sure they have something there." He wrapped his arm around her waist, bracing her weight against him as they moved towards the kitchen. She sat down at the table while he went into the fridge to rummage through what was inside.

"How about orange juice?" He called out, pulling it from one of the lunchboxes inside. "That will get your sugar up."

"Is that yours?" Her head was in her hands, but he could almost hear her smile.

"Nah, its…" He looked at the box it came from, "Derek Masters. No idea who that is."

"I think he's one of the studio guitar players."

He pulled a chair across from her, handing her the orange juice. "You sure? I hire all the studio players here."

"He's got the weird," her hands raised flippantly, "chains that jingle when he walks."

"Oh, you mean Mojo." He laughed a little. "Well, he's an ass, so taking his orange juice is alright by me."

"If he's such an ass, why do you keep him?"

"You heard him play? He can really play; usually ends up that way. The biggest asses are the most talented."

She let out a small laugh, and he leaned forward, wanting to hear it closer. But he saw it: the hand over the stomach.

"So," he choked back his fear, "how far along are you?"

He saw her entire body freeze. "Almost three months. Actually three months next week." She looked at his face softly before continuing. "Please don't tell anyone, we're trying to keep it from the press right now…"

He got up angrily; he didn't know what else to do with the emotions running through him. "Do you really think I would tell the press about this? Is that what you are worried about?"

She bit her lip. "No."

His back turned to her, he moved towards the cabinets to grab a napkin for her. When he turned, he was defeated. He knew she could see it as he handed her the napkins to clean up the drops of orange juice that had spilled on the table.

"I won't tell anyone."

"I know you won't." She nodded carefully. "I trust you."

Even the words that were once said so easily pierced him, and he held them like they were gold.

God, he was pathetic. Truly pathetic.

"You're going to make the best mother."

Her eyes brimmed a bit with tears. "I'm trying not to be scared, you know?"

"Don't be." He said straight, not making eye contact with her. "You were meant for it."

Somehow those words were the ones that hurt the most, but he said them anyway. It wasn't the ring on her finger. Or the way she looked at him with pity. It was the hand on her stomach.

* * *

"_Babe!" He parked his car, walking up to their porch. He knew she was home; she had texted that she would be home early. Normally, she would have met him out on the porch here, but it seemed his wife was nowhere to be found. "Juliette?"_

_Maybe we she was out by the lake? On her days off she loved to go sit by the lake and write, so he wouldn't be surprised if she had lost track of time and was still out there. _

_He opened the front door carefully to find the entire house dark, illuminated by candles. _

"_Juliette?" he called out, putting his bag down carefully. "Why is our house a fire hazard?"_

"_Oh shut up." He heard her call out. She stepped into view in a deep red floor length dress. Her hair was loose and wavy on her shoulders._

_He found his voice again. "I think I'm in trouble. Am I missing some sort of anniversary or something?"_

"_Nope." She smiled wide, moving carefully towards him, giving him a loving kiss. "It's not an anniversary."_

"_And your birthday was last month."_

"_Yes it was."_

_He sighed in relief. "Ok. I'm confused. What's all this about then?"_

"_I want you to guess." She smiled wide. "Please."_

"_Is it work related?" He guessed._

"_No. Wouldn't you know that?"_

"_I guess. Being your producer has that perk."_

"_Right." She nodded. "What else?"_

"_I don't know babe, give me a hint." He groaned. "I'm bad at this and I'm distracted by you in that dress."_

"_You know, I had a doctor's appointment today." She backed away from him, looking at his reaction carefully._

"_Is everything ok?" Fear instinctively gripped his heart. _

"_Everything is fine." She laughed, rubbing her hands along his arms. _

"_Then what?" His frustration rose with her coyness. _

"_Well," She knew he was getting frustrated so she continued instead. "I think I might have to call Deacon and Gunnar over to help you assemble the crib, because God knows how awful you at assembling things."_

_He froze. Had her hand always been on her stomach like that and he didn't notice? He stayed mute, just staring from her face to her stomach. _

"_Did you hear me insult you babe?" She prodded, but he could hear how nervous she was._

"_You're pregnant."_

_She nodded. "Yep."_

_His hand covered the one that lay over her stomach. "With our kid."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Who else's would it be you idiot?"_

_They both laughed, holding hands tight. They were going to be parents. _

_He grabbed her body, pulling her into his arms. "I can't believe it."_

"_I can't either." She laughed in his chest. "I already signed us up for every parenting workshop in Tennessee."_

"_Really?" He was still reeling. _

"_Really." She nodded, matching his smile. "I also had Emily buy every parenting book at the bookstore today. They are getting mailed tomorrow."_

"_Juliette," he held back his laugh, "You don't even like to read."_

"_Well fine, you can read them to me." She scoffed. "I just wanna have all our bases covered."_

_He lay his hand over her stomach again, pressing his forehead against hers. "You're going to be the mother of my child."_

_Her eyes brimmed with tears. He could see it. "Never thought I'd get called that. Mother."_

"_The best one." He nodded against her forehead, pressing a kiss to her nose. " We're gonna be parents."_

"_You know what the hardest part of this is gonna be?" She pulled away, smiling._

"_What?"_

"_Deciding who's gonna be the godparents. Deacon and Rayna are gonna think they are shoo-ins."_

"_And Gunnar and Zoey are gonna as well." He laughed. "You're right."_

"_Can a baby have two sets of godparents?" _

_He laughed, kneeling down to place a kiss over her stomach_. _The family he had always wanted and longed for. _

"_Juliette?" His laughter stopped, but his lips were still pressed against her stomach. _

"_Yes babe?"_

"_Can this be real?" He looked up at her shining face. "I don't wanna wake up from this one."_

_She sighed heavily. "You know you have to eventually."_

"_But not this one. Please." He rubbed his nose across her stomach now, letting her run her hands through his hair. "Not this one."_

_This was all he had ever wanted. _

_He heard her voice choke a bit. "Everyone has to wake up eventually."_

_And that was his curse._


End file.
